Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
