Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
