You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
