does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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