Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize