im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
