we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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