Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
