Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
