Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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