that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
