Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
