You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
