small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
