Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
