Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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