I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
