Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
