Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
