On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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