trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
