I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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