the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
