Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
