She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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