your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
