I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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