He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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