Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
