i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
