my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
