you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
