Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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