i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
