I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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