my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i've created a new STD.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize