if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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