I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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