i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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