guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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