i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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