DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
