Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
