wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
