just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
