It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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