these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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