Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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