last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
