Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
