she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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