When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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