im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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