pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
