id be glad to
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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