why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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