JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
