I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
