i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
