Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sex in a hospital.. check
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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