I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
