How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
