Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
