I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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