I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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