singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
me + whiskey = a bad person
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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