Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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