I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
