Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
