I love having hate sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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