That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
