If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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