I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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