My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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