so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
